The impact of my rape on my child has become apparent.

I am doing the only thing I can do and that is get more counselling for myself. 

For the first time today I heard a RC counsellor talking about breathing, relaxation, filtering triggers…I am sure others have talked to me about this stuff but i didn’t hear them.  Its only now that I can see the effect on my now adult child that my ears are pinned back.

When self love is in short supply. Love of another can spur us into action.

Raised a Catholic, there was something I was absolutely clear about, had I become pregnant as a result of the rape I would have had an abortion.

Since the rape ANGER has been a huge problem.

All those trite psychological advisors who talk about a short temper being related to perfectionism don’t even begin to explain the anger reaction to rape.

My personality type is easy going, I don;t like to make a fuss about things, i accept things, i avoid things, especially confrontation.

Not any more.  I am fermenting with anger.  I despise bullies. I hate being emotionally manipulated. I hate people who ride roughshod over my peace in life.  I now react strongly when people piss me off.  But yes I do go off the deep end.  So I have to rein it in.

The worst part is the damage to my personal relationships. It means that I am often isolated, hence the need to blog.

I react strongly to gossipy, high handed, snobbish, smug people  – and bossy aggressive people, bring it on.  I am your woman.

So if there is ever anything positive about being raped, then for me this is it, I no longer suffer fools at all.