Archive for May 2012

Our local rape crisis centre is advertising for a therapist…..   Leave a comment

Our local rape crisis centre is advertising for a therapist. Its a nervous time. Will they find someone willing to take on such demanding work? For those on the waiting list it is all the more intriguing. Waiting for a special someone who can take the strain of listening, hour upon hour,to undiluted pain. We are all different. Some people have resources enough to bounce back. Some take it on the chin………..so to speak. For very many, recovery is a much slower process. It can depend on a mindset, your values, your self belief. It can depend on your sensitivity to a range of stimuli which reinforce the idea that rape is acceptable. One woman recounts how her father, in his 80s, recently said, ‘well, you didn’t mind being raped by them other fellows you were with’, he was saying out loud what many others believe. That rape is only about sex. He was saying that the absolute violence and violation of rape is no different to a woman experiencing her own sensual and sexual pleasure. The ‘whore’ scenario. Once defiled in any way, the madonna deserves anything she gets. Why else do they concentrate so hard on a woman’s sexual history when she takes the matter to court? For many people the ongoing trauma of childhood sexual abuse manifests itself in drugs, drink, gambling, violence, myraid addictions and maladjustments to adult norms. The earlier the negative sexual experience the harder it is to overcome. For some, we are all different. The daily stuggle to survive with constant triggers and reminders. the nightmares, the flashbacks, the silencing by ‘respectable society’ , force many into islolation, fear, phobia and depression. Anxiety becomes a constant companion, hypervigiliance the norm. Nothing is ever the same again. To have been raped is to have suffered a fundamental loss, the loss of a sense of self. Loss of trust, loss of hope, loss of joy. In its place is fear, fear that it will happen again, fear that the mind will never recover………….which it won’t without the listening ear of our therapuetic friend. I do hope that they find someone soon for our small town, for your small village, for the girl in the next block, because it is essential to survival. it makes the difference between feeling suicidal and actually dying.

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Posted May 22, 2012 by raperelatedptsdsurvivor in Uncategorized

How to Cope With Rape Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder   Leave a comment

How to Cope With Rape Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Posted May 3, 2012 by raperelatedptsdsurvivor in interesting blogs

Internet Safety   Leave a comment

Whew, just realised that my WordPress connection to my Facebook account was posting this site through my Facebook page.  Not what I wanted at all. I have even set up this page with a different e-mail account, so I am not sure why that happened.  The only way around it was to disable the application that linked my blogs to Facebook.

It’s not that I want to be anonymous or secretive.  When you are writing about your personal experience of rr-ptsd and rape, you HAVE to be secretive.

I was reading about RR-PTSD on a website last night and it described other people’s reaction to disclosures of rape as being ‘secondary trauma’, negative reactions make RR_PTSD survivors retraumatised and lead to further isolation as the damage and hurt of people’s comments lead the survivor not trusting other people or anyone.

Most recently a very close and supportive friend blurted out, ‘they weren’t going to kill you’.  As far as I knew at the time they were going to kill me, and I congratulate myself for getting out of the situation alive.  I did what I had to do to survive.  If they weren’t going to kill me, did i do those things because I wanted to??

Another recent comment from another very close friend was, ‘I wouldn’t travel alone’, after over 22 years she had always assumed that I had been travelling alone, and somehow (even if I was) that made me responsible for being raped.  I was with a travelling companion all the way, from London, plus we had joined a scuba expedition to be in a group and increase our safety.

These kinds of comments just go on and on.  Hence the secrecy. They are damaging.

My mother, quite soon after I had been raped, lost her cool one day and said, ‘you have always been moaning about something, now you have something to moan about’.  Those words are scorched onto my psyche,  I love her and I have supported her throughout her illness and her bereavement, but it is impossible to blot out those kinds of remarks.

Only a year or two ago my father made a comment about the fact that I had been in relationships before I was raped, ‘I suppose they were rapes too’.  completely negating the trauma of being raped at gunpoint. I know that  people who love you will strike out on occasions, but wow does it hurt.

My brother said, ‘why did you go there, to one of the most dangerous places on earth?’  again it was my fault for going to that place.  The place we were in was on a well established tourist trial.,,……so it goes.

Not long after it happened a friend in a bar one night, braver with a couple of drinks, asked me ‘what it was like, because for him it was next to murder.  I just shrugged and said, ‘I am still alive aren’t I’.  How do you answer that.  Rape is next to murder.  Rape is a kind of murder, .a murder of the spirit.